Rape.

& my eyes are crying the same tears they have known for the last six years from the time I was raped

I wonder why a young teenage girl would be touched for her first time by two men with names I will never forget, and faces that burn my skull at hours of the night

& I wonder how much of my life would have been what I wanted it all to be, how much power I would have kept and how in line I would have stayed if that night, I was not robbed of my rights and my body

. & I Wish I could find a way to forgive myself for letting my life be ruled by this event, but it takes six years to realize the pain you once endured will likely rule the path in front of you.

When do I forgive myself for something I never did ? Does the feeling of hate dissipate ? Can I one day trust a man near me ?

Why have I let my life spin into oblivion and never saw help but let my wounds get deeper until the chance of recovery was beyond repair ?

Late nights, I see your faces and the smell of the summer night creep into my lungs. I remember the shirt I wore that you both ripped off and I can feel myself become a object that would be sabotaged.

& I wonder, when I can stop living in this shame and find my self the girl I was the day before, so I can get my feet back and pray to God I can help other girls who need help, sooner than six years.