Tristan from www.controltv.com

I spent my weekend in a rather odd predicament, not a bad one, just amazing for the most part but certainly odd. I received a phone call on Friday informing me I had the chance to come on the Internet reality show I had been a fan of, not just me, my mother, my friends. I was so excited, I had been sick for a week and gotten laryngitis in the process and then found out I got to go to Hollywood for Halloween to meet the man in front of the cameras. I got my plane ticket within the hour, I spent my night looking for a Halloween costume and spent the last of my last jobs paycheck on some cheap Halloween thing that is always - always, over priced... those tricky people. I went to the urgent care after with my mother to make sure my voice going out was not contagious it was not, I was just voiceless and in pain. None of this mattered I was so excited. I spent my night packing, I went to sleep at four a.m. after figuring it all out, I got a total of two hours of sleep! I got on that airplane, though I have a serious Airplane fear, it was a plane ride that would be sending me back within 24 hours, but as I said - worth it all to me at the time.

I had such a good time being with the producers, the staff - everyone, they were all so nice and I loved it all! I could not wait to meet Tristan. I got to my hotel room and spent three hours getting ready, I don't get nervous but I was so excited to see the show I had been watching andcommunicating with since day one of this event. I was a twitter fan, I was a Facebook fan, and I also used my networking connections to spread the word about it as well. There had been a lead up to this point within the show, Tristan and I had talked previously, I do think he is a stud but I also think it is pointless in the real world to have any kind of " feelings " for a stranger, I was just excited to meet some one I had looked up to and interacted with for the last month via web show.

I was put into the room with out him being aware, it was a shock for him I am sure. I am also positive he is most likely a shy person and also considering his surroundings. He took a shot of liquor immediately after knowing it was me, that is always such a great feeling - driving any person to want to drink. I came to California to have fun, I did have fun- just none with the star. I am a very social person, I tried my best to have any kind of conversation with him but he was brief, silent and really could have cared less that I had walked in the room. Am I that hideous of a person? I make people have to drink? I make them not want to socialize after we had spoken on and off for a month online and I had been so nice?

Iintentional or not it is a jab to a persons ego and the situation to have flown 1,020 miles on such short notice to be apart of something as a fan that I had thought was such a good idea, I was so excited. When do people decide its okay to treat you as if your not there? I spent the night hanging out with his friend because I was alone in Hollywood in a club situation, something I am not familiar with obviously. I was silly with his friend because I had no one else and everyone as myself thought Tristan could have at least had any urge to approach me to speak on a friendly level, I had no other intentions.

After the club my family had begun texting me rapidly asking why he was ignoring me, my friends were asking me why he was ignoring me they were just as confused as I was as to why the person I had been flown to meet could have cared less I shared the air in his room. I was humiliated, this person - this all mighty person who is on a reality Internet web show had shut me down as a person, a living breathing human being with feelings.

I went back to my hotel very early because my friends and family were right, and I could stand him being rude, but I could not stand for my relatives and friends back home to see me being hurt on a show, they had no way to reach out to me and tell me they were sorry he had acted this way.

So here is my question, he twitters to his fans, he talks to his fans, and I was a fan correct? I did not want anything more than a conversation. I went home empty handed from his character, which in this case - is himself. I would love to say I feel bad for myself, but I truly could not say that, if I could make one point clear, no matter the situation you are in, no matter the person you may think you are dealing with you should always treat them with respect. I have no respect for him, a stranger who I once promoted, looked forward to speaking with on twitter, publicly hurt me by lack of my existance.

Life can be really hard, and most of us will never be the same as one another, we might have different lives different goals different pasts. To treat a person differently because of these set in stone facts, this is something I think should not exist to show how a person responds to a fan. So this just goes to show that www.controltv.com is in fact, the only reality show that does exist on the web, because this " Tristan " could have cared less, and he made it very clear that me being a fan and going an extra mile, meant shit to him, he showed his true colors.

. To the crew, you were all so kind to me. I am sorry if this blog is horrible sounding - you all did so much to make me feel as good as I could. Your show is so amazing, it truly is and I am glad I got to be apart of it. I did have fun with his friend I did, I appreciate the trip so much, and I apologize for the outcome.

- Pamela

P.S. I think it is ironic you once said I was your #1 fan, so what does #2 get treated like?